Hakkuna Matata…


So today…
January 11, 2008, 12:43 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I went back today and was reading over some old blogs. Like ones from about this time last year which is when I started blogging, only it was on Myspace, and that was hardly what I called blogging, it was just some place to let my thoughts fly. But I was reading over some of those today and it hit me. Have I really changed from what I said I wanted to become? And, in complete honesty, I, myself, think I have. Sure there are people out there that have their doubts, thinking I’m immature for my age, and still have a lot of growing to do. But isn’t that what life is for? I look at it this way, since then, I have gotten rid of things in my life that are distractions so much for me with my walk with Christ, and sure it isn’t perfect, I stumble, but I try, and thank God that He is a very forgiving god. I have worked my tail of literally to get to where I am today. Since last time, I logged enough hours to be able to kinda have some saved up to be able afford to live this long on my own, with some help, but I don’t like to accept handouts from people unless I gotta. I am living on my own with a pretty tight guy. Which has been good. Only gets on my nerves when he doesn’t wanna play Madden so I can own on him. But for real. I am in search of a job, again, and am bound and determined that it is impossible for Bryan Smith to find a job in Chico. I have found what I want to do in school, or at least have planned out consecutive semesters with classes that will work, and plan on sticking with them. Which may not seem like much, but for me, I have jumped around with what major to follow through with since I was being pressured to go to school, or college, when I was a sophomore in high school. I have been put in a position to have to deal with things. Had to be there for people, had to be the bigger person, had to be the person where if it needed to be done, I needed to do it, and had to be the person, and just that, you know, that person. All of which I did. And did them well, or as best as I could. I am trying to become the man I was meant to be. But figuring out what God has planned is the hardest thing, but I am straining my ears for any signs or things that will show me. Even though its tough, and sometimes I feel like all I’m doing is backsliding, I have faith that God is gonna be there to keep me from falling to much. He has blessed me with some tight friends that are there for me, and so much more. So I guess, since I haven’t really made it clear yet, and since I was seeing how far I have come, that this year, my New Years resolution is to further my walk with Christ. To get to where I was in high school. To not just know Him, but to really know Him. To try to get back on track, and get to where I want to be. To do well in school this year. To find a job that pays the bills. And to be there for the people that need me. I know it sounds like I’m looking for that reward for trying to be that good guy, but I’m not. Helping people is something I have always liked. And I wish sometimes that I could help more people. But those are my goals for this year. Any help to try and stick with them is much appreciated. I know this was a long post, but you know. Got a lot to think about. So yea, what about you guy? What were some of your New Years resolutions? They still your resolutions? Just kidding. Peace. I’m out. 

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2 Comments so far
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Hi, I found your blog through Shaun Groves blog – and well I realize you don’t know me – just a voice out here in cyberspace, but I wanted to say while I feel the same way at times – I look back at my last year of high school and wonder why I can’t be like that – I realize that the growth that has occurred in the last 7/8 years is foundational to who I am and my relationship with God, sure I don’t feel close but maybe I wasn’t really in the beginning. While I’m sure that does little to comfort you, the bottom line is just keep your eyes on Him and he’ll provide the rest. Btw that’s why I keep a blog and read over it occasionally to see where I’ve come from – prayer journals help in that way too. Best of luck with school. As to resolutions – I don’t make them makes the whole keeping them or not keeping them thing easier.

Comment by Jenn

Hey thanks for stopping by. I have started blogging for that as well, to see where I can end up and how I made it there. Thanks for the encouragement as well. It’s good to see responses from people with the same beliefs. And can I say, Go Shaun!!

Comment by bryan2




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